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be with us. our next guest is so adorable, if you stare directly at her you might go blind or even crazy. you can see her tomorrow morning hosting "live with regis and kelly" from disney land. please welcome kelly ripa. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i always like seeing you out here. >> i know, i never -- we were just talking about how i thought it was like maybe a year, but it's been a few years since i've been here. >> jimmy: did you bring the family with you this time? >> well, we brought our youngest, joaquin. it's his eighth birthday today, so we -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's nice. so he got to come along as part of the birthday celebration. >> he came along as part of the birthday celebration. we didn't tell him. he wanted to surprise him. and it was great, because we woke him up and we told him that he was coming to l.a. to go to disney land and my daughter burst in, and she was like, it's not fair! he gets to take the day off from school, and it's not fair. i
be with us. our next guest is so adorable, if you stare directly at her you might go blind or even crazy. you can see her tomorrow morning hosting "live with regis and kelly" from disney land. please welcome kelly ripa. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i always like seeing you out here. >> i know, i never -- we were just talking about how i thought it was like maybe a year, but it's been a few years since i've been here. >> jimmy: did you...
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this is a -- this is a milestone night for us here. it's our 1,500th show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] to put that in perspective, it only takes 1,100 show for them to pick an "american idol," so -- 1,500 is a lot. and just goes to show you what you can accomplish with a video of a high-ranking abc executive with a transvestite. anything. so, from joe millionaire to kim kardashian to snooki, from gary coleman and sarah palin, thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping us going. oh, hand me the crow bar. i remember this. after our first show, i wrote a note to myself and i buried it under the stage to be opened on our 1,500th show. so -- let me just -- oh. all right. all right. i think i've done some terrible damage here. i buried it really well. okay. oh, there it is. okay. great. here we go. ugh. i buried it in the 1800s. all right. here we go. it says -- i don't remember what i wrote here. it says, oh, nice, it says, you'll never make it. ps, you should really follow through on that idea you had for creating a social netwo
this is a -- this is a milestone night for us here. it's our 1,500th show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] to put that in perspective, it only takes 1,100 show for them to pick an "american idol," so -- 1,500 is a lot. and just goes to show you what you can accomplish with a video of a high-ranking abc executive with a transvestite. anything. so, from joe millionaire to kim kardashian to snooki, from gary coleman and sarah palin, thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping us...
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Mar 17, 2011
03/11
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adam scott is with us. we have music from the wombats and we'll be right back with kristen wiig, so stick around. [ cellphone vibrates ] uh, before you say anything, it was 1995. [ kenny ] it was '93. kenny, 1995 was the year the song came out. it was '93. that was your 5th year of high school. it was 1995. ha! 10 bucks says it's '93. yeah, well that's 10 bucks you're gonna have to put in my pocket. whatever. "whoomp! there it is" was '93. it was clearly nineteen ninety... kenny, the restaurant's on fire. i'll call you back. wait, wait... [ male announcer ] in the network, at&t lets your iphone talk and surf the web at the same time. [ bell dings ] sundays are just for watching football. believe that? [ thinking ] relax. you ordered off mcdonald's dollar menu at breakfast. everything's so good and just a buck. so go. he's a jerk. [ thinking ] the simple joy of being smart. ♪ [ thinking ] the simple joy of being smart. looif i'll finally get the can fecoverage my family deserves. if it's something we can a
adam scott is with us. we have music from the wombats and we'll be right back with kristen wiig, so stick around. [ cellphone vibrates ] uh, before you say anything, it was 1995. [ kenny ] it was '93. kenny, 1995 was the year the song came out. it was '93. that was your 5th year of high school. it was 1995. ha! 10 bucks says it's '93. yeah, well that's 10 bucks you're gonna have to put in my pocket. whatever. "whoomp! there it is" was '93. it was clearly nineteen ninety... kenny, the...
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Mar 31, 2011
03/11
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the term intervention, do we use war, do we use squirmish -- >> jimmy: i don't know -- squirmish is how i feel every time imhear you talk. [ applause ] here's something that i'm going to get sarah palin is not going to buy for her children. perez hilton has written a children's book. a company called ed celebr-book has published it. the first title he pitched to them was called "the very slutty caterpillar." the publishers didn't like that. so, then, "good night moon, you skank." finally "everyone poops and i've got the pictures." they had trouble getting legal clearance for the pictures. probably for the best. one more thing. this is a story from india. a state in western india has banned a new book about gandhi after early reviews say the book imflips that gandhi had a homosexual relationship with a man, of all things. the author claims this is a misunderstanding, because gandhi was celebrate, because he couldn't be straight or gay, i guess. but what was more surprising to me was that the revelation that gandhi is, in fact, the man who invented the snuggie. and he did early work o
the term intervention, do we use war, do we use squirmish -- >> jimmy: i don't know -- squirmish is how i feel every time imhear you talk. [ applause ] here's something that i'm going to get sarah palin is not going to buy for her children. perez hilton has written a children's book. a company called ed celebr-book has published it. the first title he pitched to them was called "the very slutty caterpillar." the publishers didn't like that. so, then, "good night moon, you...
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the other teams are probably gonna be behind us, so they'll have to get used to seeing a lot of this. suck it up! please join our team! help us. we really need it. join our team! join our teeeeem! see ya! craftsman impact drivers answer the call delivering over 3,000 impacts per minute. giving you greater torque, for greater force. to power through the toughest jobs. craftsman. trust. in your hands. consider this: over 70% of firefighters are local volunteers... these are our neighbors putting their lives on the line. and when they rely on a battery, there are firefighters everywhere who trust duracell. and now you can join with duracell to help. just buy specially-marked packs & duracell will make a battery donation to local volunteers. these days don't we all need someone to trust...? duracell. trusted everywhere. [ whistle blows ] [ squishing ] [ male announcer ] pool filled with caramel. not as good as chocolate filled with caramel. introducing milky way simply caramel. life's better the milky way. >>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight bill maher and grammy
the other teams are probably gonna be behind us, so they'll have to get used to seeing a lot of this. suck it up! please join our team! help us. we really need it. join our team! join our teeeeem! see ya! craftsman impact drivers answer the call delivering over 3,000 impacts per minute. giving you greater torque, for greater force. to power through the toughest jobs. craftsman. trust. in your hands. consider this: over 70% of firefighters are local volunteers... these are our neighbors putting...
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Mar 16, 2011
03/11
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KGO
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still to come, avril lavigne will join us. our next guest was a pioneer in the field of dreamy vampires on "buffy." he is now an fbi agent in sixth season of "bones." you can watch it thursdays at 9:00 on fox. please say hello to david boreanaz. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? how is everything? >> my guy right there, uncle frank. >> jimmy: did you have a chat with him beforehand? >> everybody has an uncle frank. well, i have an uncle frank. >> jimmy: do you? >> i'm italian, come on. >> jimmy: boreanaz doesn't sound like an italian name? >> it is. >> jimmy: never heard of one that ends in a z before. >> kimmel? >> jimmy: well, my mom's last name is iacono. your family is cooks -- >> they cook all the time. i'm cooking on the weekends, i got the lasagna going. a lot of wine. >> jimmy: very nice. >> lots of wine. wine is very, very important. listen, i tell you, a lot of italian cooks say don't put the wine in the souse. not only do we do that, my wife and i, we drink the wine. >> jimmy: you put it directly into y
still to come, avril lavigne will join us. our next guest was a pioneer in the field of dreamy vampires on "buffy." he is now an fbi agent in sixth season of "bones." you can watch it thursdays at 9:00 on fox. please say hello to david boreanaz. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? how is everything? >> my guy right there, uncle frank. >> jimmy: did you have a chat with him beforehand? >> everybody has an uncle frank. well, i have an uncle...
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Mar 12, 2011
03/11
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and a big baba booey to all of us here in the studio. you picked a good night to join us. the great and powerful howard stern is with us here. and so are his fans. it's an interesting group. howard stern fans and i include myself in this group, are strange and wonderful species. they're from all walks of life. they feed on crustaceans, fish and other marine life. they live in basements. they have sexual relations with their pillows. [ laughter ] and if you're hoping to spot one in the wild, the best place to look is behind your local news reporter. >> this video is on youtube so we cannot verify its authenticity -- >> kelsey grammer wears a dress, baba booey! >> sorry, guys. >> kelsey grammer wears a dress, baba booey! [ applause ] >> jimmy: we have, like, 40 of those gentlemen in our audience tonight. howard was able to score a rare interview with charlie sheen this week. it was amazing. it was especially great because of sirius, you can say anything you want, they only take a commercial break when they feel like it. and howard manages to get people to open up far more wi
and a big baba booey to all of us here in the studio. you picked a good night to join us. the great and powerful howard stern is with us here. and so are his fans. it's an interesting group. howard stern fans and i include myself in this group, are strange and wonderful species. they're from all walks of life. they feed on crustaceans, fish and other marine life. they live in basements. they have sexual relations with their pillows. [ laughter ] and if you're hoping to spot one in the wild, the...
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smarter than us. and, in fact, they might be smarter than me right now. >> well, i'll just quote elmer fudd to you. be afraid. be very, very afraid. because -- >> jimmy: i am. [ applause ] >> ibm has come up with this computer system which is truly awesome. it understands human language. this is not like when you call up to change a reservation and they say, just tell us why you're calling. pay a bill, change your reservation, complain. this thing understands. and it competes. and it competes very well. i've seen some of the practice games and it's scary. it really is. >> jimmy: you did this a few years ago, right? and humans beat the computer. >> no, we didn't do that. >> jimmy: i thought you did. >> no, this is something new. ibm came to us four years ago with this idea. now, keep in mind, this is the same company that came up with deep blue, that computer that they taught to play chess. and they put it against a world champion and the computer beat the champion. so, ibm is worried, i've seen some o
smarter than us. and, in fact, they might be smarter than me right now. >> well, i'll just quote elmer fudd to you. be afraid. be very, very afraid. because -- >> jimmy: i am. [ applause ] >> ibm has come up with this computer system which is truly awesome. it understands human language. this is not like when you call up to change a reservation and they say, just tell us why you're calling. pay a bill, change your reservation, complain. this thing understands. and it competes....
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radio for us here on satellite. so now you can carry us around with you. and i'm out here promoting, spreading the word. you can get it on your blackberry, android, and iphone, of course. and, believe me. i'm the only idiot from sirius going around promoting this thing. that oprah's got a channel. oprah has a channel on sirius, as you know, and where is she promoting this thing? why is she not on your show? >> jimmy: nowhere, nothing. >> they're paying her $50 million, jimmy. $50 million. and i don't hear her mention a word about the cell phone. >> jimmy: $50 million to be on -- wow. that is unbelievable. let me tell you something, your boss over there, every time i'm in the show, he says, we'd love to get you on the channel, but i think he wants me to do a charlie sheen where he wants me to go on and do it for nothing. >> i've sucked all the money out of that company and you're going to have to work for free. what can i tell you? but i'm the savior, of course. >> jimmy: so let's -- should we do the pretend thing where you hand me the phone or no? >> okay.
radio for us here on satellite. so now you can carry us around with you. and i'm out here promoting, spreading the word. you can get it on your blackberry, android, and iphone, of course. and, believe me. i'm the only idiot from sirius going around promoting this thing. that oprah's got a channel. oprah has a channel on sirius, as you know, and where is she promoting this thing? why is she not on your show? >> jimmy: nowhere, nothing. >> they're paying her $50 million, jimmy. $50...
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Mar 22, 2011
03/11
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KGO
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so funny. >> jimmy: how much can you tell us about the movie without ruining it? >> i mean basically it's about this man rainn who is kind of a lonely reclusive kind of guy and he meets this woman and i come to work in a diner. i think that's the clip that you have and we have a connection and we kind of fall in love and i have just gotten out of, you know, recovery as an addict so i'm vulnerable and we kind of bond then i leave him and go off with kevin bacon who is a drug dealer and he is so devastated and he goes to the police to tell them i have been kidnapped but actually i've cleaned the whole closet out and i'm gone and i left of my own will and he decides to become a superhero in order to come and find me and then it becomes a whole thing where he and ellen page become sidekicks. >> jimmy: works in the comic book store. >> she helps him a lot. >> jimmy: we've heard this regular guy become superhero but this one is not like any of those and we have a clip here that i think gives a little sampling but you'll have to see the whole film to really understand wh
so funny. >> jimmy: how much can you tell us about the movie without ruining it? >> i mean basically it's about this man rainn who is kind of a lonely reclusive kind of guy and he meets this woman and i come to work in a diner. i think that's the clip that you have and we have a connection and we kind of fall in love and i have just gotten out of, you know, recovery as an addict so i'm vulnerable and we kind of bond then i leave him and go off with kevin bacon who is a drug dealer...
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you can get forced -- for us, we come to work here every day and suddenly strangers come and tell us we're not allowed. >> they make you roll the windows down on your car. roll the windows down, sir. they lean in, they go, hi, mr. hanks. and go through. like, who is going to be here in with me? by myself as it is. >> jimmy: i want you to know, i think "toy story 3" was the best movie of the year. >> oh, thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] you have -- you don't have an applause guy, you have a bald headed guy going like that. going like that. like that. >> jimmy: he's our own oscar statuette. >> jimmy: there you go. i look at "the king's speech," but somebody could do that with their video cameras. but "toy story 3," no one could do that. >> i'm on the board of governors. >> jimmy: did you vote for your own movie? >> i was in "toy story 3." and yes it is the best movie of the year. i don't know what happened. i don't know what happened. >> jimmy: i don't know, either. >> what's the point of being on the board of governors if you don't make some money, which i don't. and numbe
you can get forced -- for us, we come to work here every day and suddenly strangers come and tell us we're not allowed. >> they make you roll the windows down on your car. roll the windows down, sir. they lean in, they go, hi, mr. hanks. and go through. like, who is going to be here in with me? by myself as it is. >> jimmy: i want you to know, i think "toy story 3" was the best movie of the year. >> oh, thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] you have -- you...
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Mar 24, 2011
03/11
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so join us then for that. our first guest tonight is an oscar-nominated actor whom you know from many excellent films. his new one is no exception. a thriller called "source code." it opens in theaters april 1st. please say hello to jake gyllenhaal. chpts [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's going on? how are you? >> can i -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they're enthusiastic. >> very enthusiastic. can i ask you just a question, like, man to man? >> jimmy: do ahead. >> is that a cape tie? that's an enormously wide tie. it's the color of my grandparents ribbon candy at their house. >> jimmy: what do you mean, cape tie? >> throw it back and it could be a cape. >> jimmy: you've outed my secret identity now. >> it's a wide tie, my friend. >> jimmy: is it really? i don't know. i just put on what i'm handed. >> it looks wider in person. >> jimmy: if there was a frilly little dress, i would put it on -- >> that's a show i would watch. >> jimmy: you turned 30 since the last time you were here. >> i did. >> jim
so join us then for that. our first guest tonight is an oscar-nominated actor whom you know from many excellent films. his new one is no exception. a thriller called "source code." it opens in theaters april 1st. please say hello to jake gyllenhaal. chpts [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's going on? how are you? >> can i -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they're enthusiastic. >> very enthusiastic. can i ask you just a question, like, man to man?...